i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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