Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
