I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
