420 ftw
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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