Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
