Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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