If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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