Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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