there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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