fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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