420 ftw
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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