Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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