You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
