conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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