Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
