Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This house was built for laser tag.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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