I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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