He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
