I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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