I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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