Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
