Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
