I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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