i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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