A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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