she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
