Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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