you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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