Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
