Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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