i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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