Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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