I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
