What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
