I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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