that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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