if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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