How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
