i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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