im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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