We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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