whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
