Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
