somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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