they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
