cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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