it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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