yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
