Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That accounts for only three of the penises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
