I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
