bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
