What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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