my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
