A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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