Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
