you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
