I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
