If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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