You're so nebulous sometimes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
