I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dick has a subreddit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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