I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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