My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
