I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize