they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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