remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
