i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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